he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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