we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
