I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
