i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
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Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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