I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
