i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
