K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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