ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
