Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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