your parents love me but you hate me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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