I wish I could teleport
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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