why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize