During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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