i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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