I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
