I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
