I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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