I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We need to rekindle our bromance
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
