i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
