I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
