You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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