Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
