I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
