this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
