Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
