This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
