I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
...so i touched it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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