I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
