Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
