I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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