is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
