I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
