So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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