She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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