so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
