first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize