I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
