Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
