did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
