Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
