I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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