dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
