Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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