We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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