no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
