Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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