First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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