This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
