I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hippo gnu deer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
