Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
