How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
