is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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