they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
