make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
