Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
