Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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