You just made me feel so damn special
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
