cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
