I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can text with my tongue
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
