you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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