Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
