She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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