I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
