weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
