I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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