I am puke
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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