I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize