This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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