dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
