I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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