...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
