so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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