i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
