Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
