So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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