The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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