Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
