The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
