party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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