Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
