one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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