I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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